OF UNGGOYS, KALABAWS AND BOLINAOS

How Man is about to Rewrite Evolution

There are just people who are stubborn, not just dumb. Darwin’s Theory of Evolution clearly listed us, the ultimate descendants of the apes. I will not argue with a brilliant mind who I believe is indeed right; however, Charles did not say that we descended from the great apes because we behave similarly to our hirsute cousins. It cannot be denied that some primordial primates are dumb and stubborn. They have all the right to be one because they just evolved from some more primitive four-legged monster, from a reptile maybe. But, man? He has advanced from the most highly-evolved monkey. It follows that man is supposed to be the most sophisticated monkey of them all.

Wrong! Most men are less sophisticated than what they would like to believe about themselves. They are more stubborn and dumber than monkeys who are intelligently schooled in the art of Pavlovian conditioning. I, being one dumb hairless monkey, can attest to how stupid, hard-headed and foolish men are, and mind you, these men are schooled in a real school with human teachers, not trainers nor monkey professors. They are in my school, so you can just imagine how hard a trainer I am, much more than Skinner with his Skinner box.

I was very clear that my requirement for my students to be able to take the pre-final examination in modular programming is the compilation of exercises which we have been working and collating for the past eight months. On the day before the deadline, I discussed with them again the requirements, and I thought they understood what I meant for them to do since nobody objected, nor did somebody ask even a question. Today, 17 dumber, more-stupid-than-monkey students sat down in one class and took the exam as if everything was all right. Being a monkey myself, I blew my top and started acting like a real dumb ass, not monkey.

I remembered a relative who once told me that what he hates of us is our penchant to pretend that we understood what others were saying or were telling us. He continued that we are so proud not to admit that we do not really understand what others intended us to understand. Being one dumb ass, I was dumbstruck. Today, however, I thought I could have answered him by telling that we are not proud...rather, that we are a dumb, stupid, stubborn race of highly-evolved monkeys about to be excommunicated from the primate family. Funny huh! But sadly, so true. Reality bites.

I hate to say now that maybe Darwin is wrong. My Psychology professor before kept on calling us carabao brains for whatever she meant with it. My medical clerkship mentor, a neurologist, kept on referring to how small our brains are – comparable to a bolinao. Anchovies? My golly! From whom did we really descend from? From water buffalos? This I have the guts and the brain to take, but from bolinao? Anchovy-topped pizzas are not popular. We might as well become ginamos. Mas popular, halinun! Could we have evolved directly from anchovies? Well, it’s not really very hard to understand now. Thinking of my students who took the exam, I am really more inclined to believe that Charles Darwin was wrong. Long live the human race! Smells…fishy? Because utok ginamos!