TEXT YOUR MIND

$Pe@K uR w3IrI) WuRlI)

Good day to all of you. Now, would you care to greet me "good day" too? Yes, and in the polite way too, if you must. Oh, you can't do it? Is it because you'd rather text me "gUd Pm!" by way of your cellular phone, or drop me a friendly twit via Twitter or an offline PM through Yahoo Messenger? How sad! You sad little thing. You must have forgotten the fringe benefits of going through the personal exchange of greeting in your relationships (besides passing English IV).

Admit it. The English and Filipino vernaculars are becoming ugly barnacles. Enough words have been "coined" today to even say in the least that they are worth a coin to hear. To add insult to injury, more and more of these words are used by teenagers today as part of their language. What happened to the days when a "Good morning!" earned you a show of praise from everyone around you? Lately, it's quite the fad to twist "Good" to "gUd", "I have to leave" to "gtg" or "go na meh", or even "I adore you" to "I luv u! mwah mwah!" Indeed, these greetings have become a sign of the times, and if you are part of "the times," den u'd $1mPli B cA$t oWt 4 n0t F1t1ng n.

On one side of the coin, you can be sure that push-button greetings will save you time and money. Should bookshops ever run a shortage of fancy old English greeting cards, you have your cellular phone to compensate for things. If text-based greeting cards aren't your kind of dish, then you can always send a mushy-mushy e-card to your sweetie. Sure, the benefits may seem healthy for your wallet, but will anybody really appreciate it that much if all you did all year was to send "haP1 b-dAy! Luv ya! Mwah mwah! Xoxo (insert name here)"?

On the flip side, the teenagers prefer to think that as the world works the calendar with technology, shortcut methods of doing possibly anything becomes more and more recommendable. The case at hand holds a lot of water because of this. Any Filipino teen would think it is "jologs" not to use a cell phone or an online messaging application to greet someone these days, and they consider it even more "bukitit" to use formal language alone to do it. What they miss is the point that personal exchange and suitable language ability without any means of technology gives them more credit. For instance, going to the house of a friend and greeting her a "Happy birthday!" formally instead of button-pushing the greeting will be more appreciated. It may look more taxing but the personal exchange and suitable language ability are there. "Textspeak", twitspeak" and "chatspeak" may be popular with Filipino teenagers today, but I tell you, you'll regret the day you've mangled your last English phrase now most especially that some of you failed in English IV.

What do these signs of the times aim to show? That the present Filipino youth is becoming more "hip" with the kind of language they set for themselves? The fact that we make even hacker language slowly look more understandable besides human speech is also embarrassing. Language and, all the more, our ability of human speech can't be bought off any sari-sari store. Why murder it then? Filipino and English are the key ingredients in the melting pot of cultures of the country; ergo, they must be preserved for the use of future generations. Consider all these the next time you press that "send" button on your Nokia/Sony Ericsson/Samsung phone or one of your AIM/YM/MSN chat window.

Greet with a touch of formality, and do so with a touch of finger too less often. You'll be happy to know then that you've saved yourself from the subtle maneuver of the machines that are slowly replacing you. Or maybe the next time you will receive the report card, you pass English IV already.

IF YOU CANNOT BE A PUSSY, THEN AT LEAST BE A CAT

Lessons about Life as Taught by a Cat

Though the world fascinates me (and sometimes makes me sad), nothing more intrigues me than human behavior. The complexity of human behavior is reflected in the many theories that are supposed to explain and understand these behaviors. Our behavior and way of life become so complex because we interact with each other. Basically, we are social animals, very similar to dogs. Can life be a little simpler and less complicated if we are less socially interactive (or worse, reactive)? Problems arise whenever people start to interact. The more interaction a person has, the more concerned and insecure he becomes. We have a family cat. Cats are known to be solitary, yet they appear to be contented with life. I know we are not cats. But we should learn from the cats in terms of social interaction.

Our family cat is actually not ours. It just arrived in the house. At first, it is very shy, it seldom feeds when someone is looking. It shies itself away from people and from other cats. It was then a kitten only. Its behavior bothers us, but we continued giving it food. Our own two dogs became curious of it. We started acquainting both dogs, Frodo and Dora, to the small kitten we aptly christened Ingkay. After a time, the kitten, now a small cat, could be seen playing with Frodo and Dora. Frodo, our Doberman, had special bond with Ingkay. He kept on snatching Ingkay through his mouth, which the small cat was so game about. The small cat now has two friends and we have us as its unofficial supporters.

Through time, the small kitten has now grown into a young male cat. Ingkay, as he is known to be, has become so inappropriate a name for him. He has now broaden his circle of friends to include us. Because he feels accepted by the family, he takes the freedom of getting inside the house, well, freely. He has a penchant to sit and sleep by the dining table chairs. He also likes to stay on my bed. What we like about this cat is he never gets his way on food. He knows that he will be feed, so he waits for feeding time. In so many ways, I would like us people to be like cats. Afar, they look so fragile yet so strong when you get to fight with one. They are solitary. They like life to be less complicated. Alike dogs, they can also be man's best friend.

What bothers me with people is that most of them appear to be strong when they are actually not. Most people have brute force but very unwilling spirit. Because we are presented with so many options about life, we don't persevere in one endeavour, but keep on jumping from one choice to another. We are unlike cats. Cats persevere because they feel they are only presented with less opportunities in life. Domesticated cats are the smaller creatures in the whole animal kingdom. They do not occupy a very good position in the animal food chain; however, this has not hampered them to become so cunning about life. They are one of the more intelligent animals(more than humans). They have survived time because they are cunning and persevering. People should be like cats, at least, in spirit.

Cats like to be alone; people like to be with company. Man hates silence. He cannot just take the sound of a deafening silence. He likes to be in a noisy company because he wants to rid himself of his problems. Undoubtedly though and ironically, his problems are caused by his frequent association with supposed to be close acquaintances. We have so many problems, life to us seem so complicated because we lead a life with so many social interactions. We go up and down the social ladder without preparing ourselves for the adventure. We cannot flock with our own feathered friends. We have to flutter outside our comfort circle hoping to flatter others and get flattered in returned. But obviously, this is not correct and all together wrong.

If we only have live our lives like cats in some ways, ours would have been simpler and less discomforting. We could have been more true to oursleves and our capabilities. Let us not pretend who we really are not. Just like a cat, it is better to look so fragile afar yet so ferocious nearby. We only have one life to live; cats have nine, so we better have to clean our act now. In terms of relationship, we could have been more discriminating in our choice of people to associate with. Remember that conflicts arise only with people with whom we have been linked to, one way or another however remotely. Cats are solitary animals, and because they have less contact with other cats, we seldom hear them quarreling (not unless they are in heat and pussies start acting like brute cats again). It would be very hard to be like a cute cuddly pussy. However, if we cannot be one...

FOOLISH PEOPLE ON APRIL FOOLS' DAY

Everything Was Right Until...

I hate big parties. I do sometimes entertain relatives and close friends to an intimate party, usually a small one. I treasure my time so much, so I understand that busy people do too. Most of my close friends are busy people. Whenever I throw a small get together, usually it is to unwind, talk about things around that have affected each other's lives. Usually it will be a sit down dinner, small in number and my guests seated in a way that maximizes interaction among new acquaintances. Throwing a small party to me is always an opportunity to meet new people, expanding my network of acquaintances. It is also an opportunity to learn new things from others, share experiences that make life easier to bear.

Yesterday was my nephew's one year old birthday party. Being a birthday party, throngs of children were expectedly normal. Indeed my expectations were all correct. There were so many children, the number went beyond what was prepared; however, there were plenty of food to satisfy every young child's appetite. Party goodies were a hit. The drag clown was uniquely new, courtesy of my sister's long lost high school classmate. The lively music complemented the games prepared for the occasion. Everyone was happy. Everything was going on smoothly until the cake candles were blown by the young playful guests. No problem. Children are children wherever they be.

But adults are not children, and this is why I hate big parties so much. After the children's party in the afternoon, adult guests (mostly my father's) started arriving for the night party. It was for a thanksgiving of some sort. The details escaped me. My brother-in-law's sisters gamely helped in accommodating the guests. They knew better than I did because party catering is their business. The party, however, had no clear guest list, but invitations were sent though. At around 6 pm, however, we cannot seem to control the deluge of people getting in that we ran out of clean plates. It was too late for us to stop some of our relatives who unfortunately invited their own set of guests. What a problem! Some adults tend to behave like children indeed.

Big parties with guests that are not my close acquaintances are not my cup of tea. I got lost in the sea of funny faces yesterday that I opted to stay inside the bedroom where the birthday celebrant was very sound asleep. My niece with me inside the room was peeking through the French window and commented to her delight that a lot of people still were coming in. I was sad because the celebration was ruined by gate crashers. My father was able to invite his close friends, and I was embarrassed for him. My sister told me to invite my colleagues. I was so thankful I did not. We just came down from a mountain trek, and most of my friends were so tired to even blink an eye. After a while, my brother-in-law got inside the room with the same complaint I had.

I did not get out of the room until the party was over. I was not aware though of what really took place, how terribly a nuisance were most of the uninvited people. I fell soundly asleep as my nephew. I have other reasons for sleeping though besides the unruly gate crashers. My blood pressure, I was sure, shoot up. I ate a lot of chicharon during lunch. I do not want to believe that blood pressure can shoot up that fast in relation to what I have eaten earlier in the day. I was, however, sure that my BP was not anymore near normal yesterday night. I felt light-headed accompanied by headband headache. There was tingly sensation in both my arms. These were my usual symptoms when my blood pressure shoots up beyond 140/90.

Because it was April Fools' Day yesterday was not good reason enough to be acting so insanely foolish. In fact nothing could justify the way people behaved last night in my nephew's birthday party. It was plain and simple stupidity coupled with much insensitivity. A party goes beyond the food served. It goes beyond the music that drowns the laughter of party goers. It is supposed to be very special to the host for whatever purpose he has in mind. It is also as equally important to the celebrant being honored on the day. But if people start acting silly, if people commence to become the irrational animal they were not born to be, these would be too embarrassing on the party host and too unfair to the party honoree. I hate big parties for this sole reason that most people not my acquaintances cannot just simply and plainly behave like the uninvited guests that they are. Sadly yesterday, everything was too late, but happily my small nephew was too young to understand man's folly, may it be April Fools' Day or any ordinary day.

MY GOATEE AND MOUSTACHE WITH A SOUL PATCH

The Barber Makes Me Street-Wiser that Ever


We're not definitely a hirsute clan, but men in the family do grow body hair faster than others. Both my paternal and maternal great grandfathers are of Spanish descent. Most of us men have patrician noses, wide foreheads (not patterned baldness) and bearded faces. I have two other brothers. I am not the most hairy. I am the more hairy. Our youngest bother is the most hairy of us three. Hair grooming has never been my problem though. I oftentimes sport a cropped hair. What bothered me so much is my facial hair.

I am always bothered by how much taking care of facial hair has taken so much of my time. Unfortunately, I happened to own a face so fertile for facial hair growth. From a clean-shaven face, it only takes a couple of days for stubble to become so irritating. I have tried an electric shaver, naked disposable blades and the newer high tech razors. I like razorblades the most though. It is the most convenient and efficient option for me. Electric shavers are not just my taste. They do not seem to be able to cut anything at all. Lately, however, I decided to grow my facial hair and leave it as is.

Because I got so tired of shaving every day, I decided to leave my facial hair. I just let the hair grow until such time that I really need to style it though. Obviously, I just don't have it grow wayward but following a particular style. I grow a moustache and a goatee with a soul patch. I keep all of them neat and cropped too. Just recently though, I have asked help from my friend barber to trim my goatee, moustache and soul patch the way he did his. My barber also sports a goatee and moustache with a soul patch. His, however, is a lot more controlled and looks cleaner than what I have. Well, he should know better.

My barber who crops my hair regularly also does my facial hair now. Today I just got back from him. I had my hair cropped shorter again and had my facial hair trimmed-moustache, goatee and patch. I also happened to be my barber's son's godfather. Whenever I have my hair (head and face) done, I also got to talk about almost anything. My barber just happens to know so much-from the grapevine or off the vineyard. This simple and mundane act of cutting hair though has become so much of a learning experience for me; hence, I always look forward on my next visit.

What used to be such a bore and tiring task has now become so interesting to me. It is not because I do not do my facial hair anymore now. I still do my daily maintenance shave. It's simply just that what I thought before as so mundane a task as shaving my facial hair has now become a learning experience for me. Being an educator, it is in the barbershop today that I learn how poorly our public elementary graduates are doing in high school. He asked me from where are our top graduates this year. I told him that they are not also graduates of our public elementary school. They are from other towns not from where we are and where we live. Very interesting indeed according to him.

I was shocked to also hear from him today that a hair treatment and rebond cost around $100. I cannot imagine myself spending so much money. No, it's not just my cup of tea to spend that ridiculousy big amount to have my hair look so lifeless that it does not bounce with movement. I was troubled before by my facial hair, but lately I have realized that getting out to meet people such as my friendly barber was worth all the trouble. Today I sport a nice beard which has always been the envy of some of my college students. Thanks to my barber kumpare. Today also I learn that a barbershop is a lab for life. I just have my facial hair done. I did not only come out more handsome than before but a lot street-wiser than ever.

BITTER LOSERS, SOUR FACES, UGLY MANNERS

Why Can't We Just Lose for Once

With my right heel partly swollen, I slowly ambled my way to school today. We had a very important matter to do - deliberate for the honor students. Usually deliberation for honor students took us the whole day to accomplish. There are just so many things to do to ensure the validity and integrity of the result. The top graduates and students for a particular school year are chosen based on a very complex looking yet simple procedure. The weighted average for all subjects are ranked and the respective ranks are multiplied by 70% to get the weighted rank. The other 30% comes from the weighted rank for extra-curricular activities. It is in this portion that some students think the teachers and the school become unfair.

One basis for extra-curricular activities is participation of the students to other academic work outside the school. Any travel away from the school for academic purposes guarantees the student points for extra-curricular activities. However, not all students vying for honor can be sent for outside events of academic nature. There are some loose criteria we have adopted in choosing who to send out. First, the student should be intelligent enough to understand the task in hand and the responsibility he has after doing such. Second, he should have consistently exhibited a promising leadership potential, or much better, he is already a good student leader. Third, he should have led a student life worth emulating because he is a person of integrity, modesty and of faith. Fourth, he should be physically pleasing or better, attractive.

More often, the better looking and intelligent students are usually sent out of the school to represent the latter for any academic endeavour. The selection may sometimes be subjective but the teachers and the school tried hard to rid the process of biases. I for one is fascinated so much with students who are sophisticated, good mannered and survivors. These three are what I am looking for in a person to consider her or him educated. With sophistication, you should be beautiful in appearance, in action and in word. Good manners come with intelligence, and both are needed to survive.

Points for extra-curricular activities matter so much in deciding for honor students. Therefore, points earned from travels related to academic work are also very important. Because not all candidates for honors can be sent out to travel for academic purposes, I am expecting that some students are complaining. However, if these students are really educated, they should have been more intelligent and better-mannered to think whether they qualify for the task to be done. More often, what prevents us from sending a student outside the school are the behavior and leadership potentials. If the student's behavior does not live up to the image of the school and if his leadership potential fails dismally in comparison with others, then he has to stay.

Well, we just cannot please everyone. Obviously, some may find the ranking of honors this year questionable to their standards. We always welcome, though, questions and clarifications as to how the honor system was done. We would like to believe that we have done our best to maintain the sanctity and integrity of the entire process. We have nothing to hide. It's just that, unfortunately, we cannot cater to everyone's whims. More unfortunately, I prefer so much honor students who are beautiful and well-mannered. Most unfortunately, only a few qualified this year. Bitter losers, sour faces, ugly manners.

ANAL FIXATION, NEAT COMPULSION

A Clean Freak Isn't an Obsessed Prick

When I was in high school, I had a very good teacher in Algebra. She may have been a subject-centered teacher, but I never knew this before, so I believed then that what she did was the best. Today, subject-centered or not, I think she did the best job several years ago. She made me understand Algebra, I thank her so much for that. Today, I see my teacher again. She is the principal of the high school I visited. What struck me most when I arrived in her school was how clean it was. It was a definite pleasure to the eyes. I knew her as somebody very artistic and creative. She took so much care of our classroom before and much pain to just make sure everything was spic and span.

I am a clean freak but I know I am not a type A obsessive-compulsive clean freak. I just hate things dirty, but who does not? I love taking a shower, not very long though and I also take occasional bath. I love how I smell after a shower or a bath. I smell so baby clean. I dig in for a clean pair of shorts and a t-shirt, nothing so fancy as long as they're clean. I am also very disciplined with my things. I always keep them in place and in order. Our house help finds it interesting for my colored shirts to be separated from my white undershirts, my dress socks so arranged accordingly from the lightest to the darkest away from my athletic socks, my boxer briefs folded separately from my pristine white jockeys. No, I am not an OC prick!

My mom is also fascinated with how I keep the interior of the house in magazine perfect arrangement. My taste is modern eclectic. I go for brown hard woods mismatched with brightly colored fabrics to soften the design without compromising the masculine palette. I love antique jars. I have some strategically positioned in the foyer and in the living room. I just bought a model replica of a Spanish war galleon which I displayed along the corridor leading to the dining room. Fresh flowers sparsely dot rooms, courtesy of my mother. She just loves flowers and plants inside the house.

I am not one OC prick. It's just that clean and orderly arrangement of everything helps me think clearly and keeps my focus. It also makes me feel happy and light. People love to be with me and visit me at home, strike a conversation or two then leave with much appreciation of how much I have done to make the interior of the house look good. They just feel how much at home they are inside. I also feel the same, and this has prevented me from going out more often. Anyway, I almost have all that I need inside the house. With a focused mind, a clean body to go and a house in order, who needs to get outside and risk being dirty?

OF UNGGOYS, KALABAWS AND BOLINAOS

How Man is about to Rewrite Evolution

There are just people who are stubborn, not just dumb. Darwin’s Theory of Evolution clearly listed us, the ultimate descendants of the apes. I will not argue with a brilliant mind who I believe is indeed right; however, Charles did not say that we descended from the great apes because we behave similarly to our hirsute cousins. It cannot be denied that some primordial primates are dumb and stubborn. They have all the right to be one because they just evolved from some more primitive four-legged monster, from a reptile maybe. But, man? He has advanced from the most highly-evolved monkey. It follows that man is supposed to be the most sophisticated monkey of them all.

Wrong! Most men are less sophisticated than what they would like to believe about themselves. They are more stubborn and dumber than monkeys who are intelligently schooled in the art of Pavlovian conditioning. I, being one dumb hairless monkey, can attest to how stupid, hard-headed and foolish men are, and mind you, these men are schooled in a real school with human teachers, not trainers nor monkey professors. They are in my school, so you can just imagine how hard a trainer I am, much more than Skinner with his Skinner box.

I was very clear that my requirement for my students to be able to take the pre-final examination in modular programming is the compilation of exercises which we have been working and collating for the past eight months. On the day before the deadline, I discussed with them again the requirements, and I thought they understood what I meant for them to do since nobody objected, nor did somebody ask even a question. Today, 17 dumber, more-stupid-than-monkey students sat down in one class and took the exam as if everything was all right. Being a monkey myself, I blew my top and started acting like a real dumb ass, not monkey.

I remembered a relative who once told me that what he hates of us is our penchant to pretend that we understood what others were saying or were telling us. He continued that we are so proud not to admit that we do not really understand what others intended us to understand. Being one dumb ass, I was dumbstruck. Today, however, I thought I could have answered him by telling that we are not proud...rather, that we are a dumb, stupid, stubborn race of highly-evolved monkeys about to be excommunicated from the primate family. Funny huh! But sadly, so true. Reality bites.

I hate to say now that maybe Darwin is wrong. My Psychology professor before kept on calling us carabao brains for whatever she meant with it. My medical clerkship mentor, a neurologist, kept on referring to how small our brains are – comparable to a bolinao. Anchovies? My golly! From whom did we really descend from? From water buffalos? This I have the guts and the brain to take, but from bolinao? Anchovy-topped pizzas are not popular. We might as well become ginamos. Mas popular, halinun! Could we have evolved directly from anchovies? Well, it’s not really very hard to understand now. Thinking of my students who took the exam, I am really more inclined to believe that Charles Darwin was wrong. Long live the human race! Smells…fishy? Because utok ginamos!

DRESSING UP TO THE NINES

The Clothes Sometimes Make the Man

I always dress well or at least, I am conscious with what I have to wear and how I should wear it. I believe that a man garbed appropriately in an opportune time is a man dressed for success. He is destined to rule over others, to rule the world. The clothes obviously do not make a man, but it can undo a man. A well-iron shirt with crisp collar commands respect. A well-made tie that complements the shirt and matches the suit can seal a deal worth millions. Dress shabbily, wear something that dresses you down and you lost the respect, admiration and the company of beautiful women.

Women cannot just resist a man in clean clothes. There is something in what men wear that attracts women. Is it the shirt that hugs the chest which reminds your lady to forget all about the feathered pillows she buried where her face? Or is it the pair of denim blue jeans that fits snugly your twin bubbles behind and wraps your quads which send electrifying shivers down her spine every time she snuggles up with you. Maybe simply, it is the red bull cap that hides what she loves to rub with her smooth-as-silk cute fingers. Women just cannot get enough of men who love to dress for who else…but women.

Look around. There are quite a number of men, however, who do not seem to care about personal hygiene. There are a sizable number of men who do not bother think about what they wear and how they should wear them. Worse, they cannot dress to the occasion. Formal, semi-formal, casual are words that sadly escape them. Patent leathers, dress shoes, casual slip-ons and sneakers are one and the same. All must be worn with a pair of cotton athletic socks. Pathetic sons of Adam! Even the leafy, all natural pair of boxers courtesy of the Garden of Eden looks even more enticing.

Being clean to some men is foreign. Being smartly dressed is obviously not in vogue. This is not all for vanity though. Dressing well and presenting oneself with much finesse and sophistication is one mark of an educated gentleman. Unfortunately, many misjudge others as downright uneducated because they failed to dress up. They were literally being dressed down. We cannot blame others though especially women who take extra care in presenting themselves to others, not just to men. Definitely, a snowy white goose does not flirt with a muddy ugly gander!

It pays to dress up. It pays to have flair and manly elegance. It pays to be sophisticated – in looks, in words and in actions. Women are always attracted to attractive men. Attraction among these two goes beyond simple biology. It involves a complex interaction of things, one of which is dressing up, carrying and conducting oneself well within and among the crowd. Like a male peacock prancing in all its glory, men because they lack tail feathers, must compensate for the obvious disadvantage by first and simply…dressing up to the nines!