FREUDIAN SLIP FROM JOCELLE'S LIP

Of Inverted Nipples, Breastfeeding and Hernia

I don't know but I feel happy today. Was it because I finished all our graduation papers to be submitted to the DepEd? Partly, because indeed that was one hell of a feat. I think it was more because I finished my final exam for computer programming. I was very happy because I was sure it would be very difficult for my students. Remember what I told you - that I enjoy tormenting people. I love to see my students suffer. I know I am unkind and I don't deserve to be a teacher. Sadly, I have been awarded thrice already as an outstanding teacher and one more is coming come March 25. See, I am not just sadistic. I am also egomaniac...but you have been warned, so don't blame me.

I had a speaking engagement today among Grade VI graduating students. I was invited by their principal who happens to be a close friend. Before I left, I dropped by one of my junior classes to remind them to submit their compilation of programming problems. As my parting message to the group, I reminded the girls not to get their bubbles busted this school break. I knew this would open more questions of the bees, the birds and how both sting. I always treat questions of this nature clinically without hint of malice. Why should I? There is nothing supposed to be malicious with life and how it all began.

Somebody asked a question about self breast examination which I gamely answered with all demonstration obviously to myself. No, don't get me wrong. I did not get naked. I just demonstrated the arm position and the movement of the examining hand. I am good at this and if you ask why? I am a medical doctor too and I must have been the most egotist teacher from hell you've ever heard of. How can a mother with inverted nipples breastfeed her baby? I answered that the mother should have prepared well both nipples during her pregnancy. As I finished with my answer, I heard a most likely comment coming from the most unlikely student at the back.

Then it would have been so arousing on the mother for the father to prepare well the inverted nipple - so went the comment from a small boy who according to his classmates has a hearty appetite for Internet pornography. I told him, it was not the intention of the father to arouse the mother and the mother has no intention whatsoever of being aroused. I told the class that the father indeed can suckle the mother to bring out the inverted nipple - a very clinical advice which was sadly taken out of context because of Freudian slip. Well, I have so much fun taunting, tormenting Jocelle for good reasons. Sadly, he learned human sexuality wrongly from the Internet.

I am in favor of teaching reproductive health and sex education among students. There is a great need for this information among many teenagers today. However, the teaching of this subject should be done by somebody who can be very clinical in his approach; therefore, he is comfortable with talking about the penis (not the bird), the clitoris (the flower?) and coitus (the mighty bubble sting). But these should not be all. Human sexuality goes beyond the copulatory organs but also encompasses the healthy relationship that exists between men and women, husbands and wives.

I left for my speaking enagagement with the Grade VI students very sad. I cannot just imagine (for the second time) how naive teeagers are today regarding human sexuality and sex. If not for the Freudian slip from Jocelle's tight lip, I could not have even imagined that not only the ladies are so uninformed about the bees, the birds and how both sting (again?) but the gentlemen too. Unfortunately, the men always learn it from the wrong source; thus, they are usually misinformed, misguided and grew up to be less than perfect husbands and fathers. So pathetic that I was tempted to talk about sex with the Grade VI pupils when I arrived. Ironically, I was to talk about modesty and sexual reservation. What a life! I even forgot somebody asked about inguinal hernia.