My Frustration, My Resignation
I have explicitly stated in my personnel information sheet, which we were asked to fill up in my first year of service, that I will serve the school for ten years at least. This presupposes that after serving the school for ten years, my contractual commitment to the school expires. In this respect, I would like to tender my resignation as one of the employees of the school effective but not earlier than one month after receipt of this letter.
After continually serving the school for ten years, I need to rest a while because I now feel physically tired and psychologically drained. Lately, it has always been an effort for me to wake up early and prepare myself for school. It seems as if the number of hours I slept was never enough. I have poor control of my elevated blood pressure although I am on some oral anti-hypertensive medication. I am stressed out.
Furthermore, I have been acting strangely lately. I cannot tolerate noise and minor student infarctions. I constantly change my mind. I am no longer fixed with my decisions. I make big problems out of simple lapses. I am sad. I compensate this by eating more. I have never been so confused about myself. I only find peace of mind when I am at home, when I shut myself totally from outside. I feel myself melting from within out.
Both of these - physical exhaustion and brain drain - have prevented me from becoming a good instructional leader, to say the least. Juggling my eight-hour school time between teaching students and managing instruction left me so tired. This year has been my worst both as a teacher and as an instructional leader. In fact, I have been more a teacher this year than an instructional leader. This has greatly and adversely affected the school as a learning institution in general. My performance this year is left to be desired.
My problem, however, is not solely school-based. I have even more personal problems tocontend with. Firstly, the relationship problem of my parents left me choosing which to side. My mother, who I live all alone with and who suffers from frequent chest pains, always keeps me uptight. Secondly, it was and has always been my desire to travel and visit places, learn the culture of other people and appreciate their heritage and traditions. I still have to fulfill this dream though lofty it may be. Thirdly, the free spirit in me is nagging for me to explore beyond where I am now - outside my comfort zone - to jump out of the box. I want to go back to serving the least, the last and the lowest of the town (where I was before). I missed so much my previous work as a social worker - dealing with innocent children and their unpretentious parents.
Though it is a reflection of my poor performance as an instructional leader, I feel I am losing control over the students, the teacher...and worse, even over my own self. As a classroom teacher, I cannot seem to make the students read their Computer manuals. As the principal, I cannot even make the teachers submit their lesson plans regularly and on time. As to my own self, I am barely holding on to my wit's end. Though embarrassing, I have so many times burst into child-like tantrum display hurting me in one occasion. I cannot think and I cannot afford to happen that such an irrational outburst later on will hurt students and jeopardize the good name of the school which the previous teachers have painstakingly etched.
My presence in the school has become a deterrent rather than an encouraging sight. People outside may have seen me as a valuable, mission-critical and vision-oriented personnel. They are wrong and I do not want to live with their delusions. One thing, however, remains true. I have and will always be grateful to the school and to all the people I have worked with. My working in the school and the opportunities afforded to me were of no equal. I grow and bear fruit; however, like any other tree that grows old with time, it has to be cut, lumbered and packaged anew. And such will also be my case.
I have explicitly stated in my personnel information sheet, which we were asked to fill up in my first year of service, that I will serve the school for ten years at least. This presupposes that after serving the school for ten years, my contractual commitment to the school expires. In this respect, I would like to tender my resignation as one of the employees of the school effective but not earlier than one month after receipt of this letter.
After continually serving the school for ten years, I need to rest a while because I now feel physically tired and psychologically drained. Lately, it has always been an effort for me to wake up early and prepare myself for school. It seems as if the number of hours I slept was never enough. I have poor control of my elevated blood pressure although I am on some oral anti-hypertensive medication. I am stressed out.
Furthermore, I have been acting strangely lately. I cannot tolerate noise and minor student infarctions. I constantly change my mind. I am no longer fixed with my decisions. I make big problems out of simple lapses. I am sad. I compensate this by eating more. I have never been so confused about myself. I only find peace of mind when I am at home, when I shut myself totally from outside. I feel myself melting from within out.
Both of these - physical exhaustion and brain drain - have prevented me from becoming a good instructional leader, to say the least. Juggling my eight-hour school time between teaching students and managing instruction left me so tired. This year has been my worst both as a teacher and as an instructional leader. In fact, I have been more a teacher this year than an instructional leader. This has greatly and adversely affected the school as a learning institution in general. My performance this year is left to be desired.
My problem, however, is not solely school-based. I have even more personal problems tocontend with. Firstly, the relationship problem of my parents left me choosing which to side. My mother, who I live all alone with and who suffers from frequent chest pains, always keeps me uptight. Secondly, it was and has always been my desire to travel and visit places, learn the culture of other people and appreciate their heritage and traditions. I still have to fulfill this dream though lofty it may be. Thirdly, the free spirit in me is nagging for me to explore beyond where I am now - outside my comfort zone - to jump out of the box. I want to go back to serving the least, the last and the lowest of the town (where I was before). I missed so much my previous work as a social worker - dealing with innocent children and their unpretentious parents.
Though it is a reflection of my poor performance as an instructional leader, I feel I am losing control over the students, the teacher...and worse, even over my own self. As a classroom teacher, I cannot seem to make the students read their Computer manuals. As the principal, I cannot even make the teachers submit their lesson plans regularly and on time. As to my own self, I am barely holding on to my wit's end. Though embarrassing, I have so many times burst into child-like tantrum display hurting me in one occasion. I cannot think and I cannot afford to happen that such an irrational outburst later on will hurt students and jeopardize the good name of the school which the previous teachers have painstakingly etched.
My presence in the school has become a deterrent rather than an encouraging sight. People outside may have seen me as a valuable, mission-critical and vision-oriented personnel. They are wrong and I do not want to live with their delusions. One thing, however, remains true. I have and will always be grateful to the school and to all the people I have worked with. My working in the school and the opportunities afforded to me were of no equal. I grow and bear fruit; however, like any other tree that grows old with time, it has to be cut, lumbered and packaged anew. And such will also be my case.
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