With my right heel still swollen and aching, I reviewed the results of our deliberation of honors yesterday. It took me about a couple of hours to finish one year level. There are six supporting papers per year level. I have to study each one and compare all six if the data are consistent. It just have to be this way. It was so tiring but I did it for integrity, credibility and validity. After lunch, I decided to rest, watch some TV shows. Most of the time, I bring home school work. These always occupy my entire weekend. Most often, I do not have weekend rest at all. I work 24/7.
It was Ricky Martin's time to share his life story in Bio Channel. His is one hell of a success story, but sometime in 2004, he got tired of everything. Before, he was so motivated by the applause, the awards, and the affirmation from his colleagues on how good he was with his craft. Few years, however, he noticed that performing even in front of 30,000 screaming fans was a bore. He decided to take a sabbatical and went home to Puerto Rico. For some years he rested and refocused his priorities in life. It was during these years that he became the UN ambassador for women trafficking, which is today, the cause he is fighting for.
I am now more convinced that I do really need a leave from work too. I have been working hard for ten straight years in school. I must have worked so hard because in just a short span of time I went from being a classroom teacher to, now, the high school principal. I loved the applause then telling me how good I was as a teacher. I appreciated the trust from my administrators appointing me the academic coordinator then the principal. I was applauded, I was appreciated and I was duly rewarded for my hard work. But things just became a bore. I am so tired already.
I am so tired that it always takes me so much effort just to wake up early in the morning to prepare for school. I was not like this before. I usually left home at 6:30a.m. Now, sometimes I even arrived late. I prepared all my daily lesson plans then on the Saturday before the next week. Today, I do it mostly on the night before, compromising mastery of content. I just could not muster anymore all the motivation to prepare well my lessons. Partly, my students too have become so demoralizing that I lost all the drive to prepare well for school.
I am going loco I know anytime so soon. All that I am feeling now, all that I have experienced lately are telltale symptoms of depression. I do not know what is happening to me. One time I am so elated, so motivated that I can accomplish so many things. However, this does not usually last long because for just a very trivial matter, I can go wildly irrational with my behavior. I am angrier today than before that I have often hurt myself because of too much violence when angry. Whenever I am angry today, I want to release my pent-up emotions destroying, hurting whatever, whoever comes my way.
She'll make you take your clothes off and go dancing in the rain. She'll make you live her crazy life but she'll take away your pain, like a bullet to your brain. Come on!
No comments:
Post a Comment